|
|
There’s been silence across the plains of space for several months, and though I write mostly for myself and to use up my quota of words and enjoy seeing them fall onto the page, there are times when silence is like a pregnancy, there is always something happening.
Yes I have learned that there is always something happening. Silence can be still and subtle, sometimes loud like the thunderous rush of a waterfall in a canyon no one ever visits or sees. Noise does not have to be about an audience and so silence does not have to be about the lack of an audience, or the lack of sound.
Silence can happen amidst all the noise in the world.
My silence is possibly more like a solitude of the soul. My soul with its own words that no one will understand not even myself at times.
There’s been a lot happening in my heart ( that deepest of all places that we live and hunker down to watch our own ‘This is your life’ programme). I feel like the rafter coming through some dangerous, turbulent,unknown and uncharted rapids in a river canyon never explored, and I have emerged in sunlight finally and still deep waters. And you can never predict when you will come into the still water when you haven’t traveled this canyon before.
The stillness is more than the arrival of summer and the sun on my skin, it’s more than nearing the end of another year.
This weathering some un-chartered territory and getting through it somehow into the sun and still waters is all about grace to me.
None of us really likes to lose control of our lives, or to do something that has an outcome we cannot quite see. Sometimes we feel like we are going on a predictable journey and then whoa, a wild card comes in from somewhere or there is an unexpected detour and we are in the rapids out of control or on the road and lost, not knowing where this will end up or how it will in fact end. There’s the dread of potential pain on arrival.
To be sure there is a feeling of loving adventure and risk, and that’s usually calculated risk, but to jump without a parachute or enter the rapids without a paddle……….most of us don’t. We stay in the plane, or attach ourselves to someone else with a chute, or we climb around the rapids on good old earth beneath my feet styles. We like to keep life under some mild form of control or predictability.
The reason is that deep down we do value our lives.
Deep down we believe in our value on earth.
Deep down we are also afraid…….
When we have unexpected or the old periodic tune ups that life brings with the adventure of living, we get through. Maybe with a limp or the feeling of rawness that won’t go totally away, but it can feel like the arrival of spring when you get thru it. Its like you have been experiencing winter in your soul for the first time and you haven’t known when spring will arrive. You lose track of just how long the dam winter is and climate change has ruined everything, you know springs out there but you guts on day after day not knowing.
Then one morning you wake one and the ice is melting, bulbs poke hope out of the soil and you know spring is here, and you feel the light. You smile inwardly and your step quickens, somethings changed.
This too has passed, the winter of the soul, and you don’t understand the whys, and wherefores but you can laugh again and the sound of your laughter makes even you stop and listen as you realise that something has returned that was lost.
That is grace to me, that goodness that I don’t understand.
That belief that gives me courage to know that in the next rapid filled and dark canyon, I will not be alone.
Grace will be with me.
He is Grace. His grace is sufficient for me.
There is no doubt that sunshine is good for us.
There is no doubt that in summer we feel lighter and more like the warm summer wind that blows thru us on its way to dance in the grass and play somewhere else. We all really like that feeling I can imagine, I sure do. It comes to us when we wake up, and see the light, when we get home from work and pull into the driveway, glad to be home to the trimmed lawn and the deck chair waiting on the sun kissed patio, and the promise of a wine, beer or coffee, or a book to read.
Sunshine and warm does that to you.
When we get into the sun our bodies manufacture vitamin D and research seems to indicate that the positive effects on health are greater than has been thought in the past. Herein is the dilema. Just how much sun is good for you?
We live in a world that has been conditioned to slip, slop slap and cover up with sunblock. We are usually, well we are in NZ anyway, brainwashed into being very wary of the suns rays on our skin. Perhaps it is different in other countries. we can burn very quickly here.
Vitamin D is in fact not really technically a vitamin, it is a hormone that is produced under the skin as a reaction to sunlight.
Taking a casual stroll, or sitting in the sun does make us feel good and sometimes natures way of telling us what we need and what is good for us is in this ‘good feeling’. Obviously there are limits, we all know the saying to much of a good thing. I will look into the whys, what is the sun producing that has that endo morphing effect. And one that note, I am heading off home and out into the sun………….for that feel good thang! More on this tomorrow.
Have you ever been struck by the fact that some peoples faces and bodies mirror their personalities as you perceive them.
I say as we perceive them, to leave room for the fact that we can be very wrong at times in our perceptions of others.
But we can also be very right!
Aren’t we right until proved wrong.LOL
This entry is about giving.
And a beautiful person.
I had a lovely thing happen to me several hours ago that made me realise that the healthier we are the more we give to others. Not money or things but just anything that could be termed giving.
Here’s the story…
I was busy with my work at lunchtime today, ( I am a teacher) when a package arrived for me, delivered by my daughter. The courier guy knows she is my daughter so saved an extra stop by delivering it to her work. One of the benefits of being a legend in my own mind or maybe my daughter is the legend in his. Whichever way something lovely crashed into my day unexpectedly.
I hadn’t ordered anything from anyone, I was on a pretty thin line of credit while I was saving to get back to America in September but…..
There it was.
A large parcel wrapped in that brown paper that always feels reminds you of your childhood for some reason.
I smiled from ear to ear. This was a surprise indeed.
I found my way into the wrapping and once inside realised it was from my wife,
and it was a Fathers Day gift and she was 7000miles away.
Yes my eyes watered. Yes I smiled even more!
This gift that had begun it’s journey so far away as a thought, had ended up in my hands. It was special indeed.
I read the card, my eyes resting on every lovely word. Cherishing them.
Suddenly I realised that I had forgotten it was Fathers Day, that I was a father and that it was, it must also be a Fathers Day for my own father as well. Whew! I had nearly forgotten.
Being Friday I still had time to get a card and send it to him Fastpost before 5pm.(my Dad lives 5 hours south of me)
The parcel had left me feeling warm and loved, it had also saved me from forgetting my own fathers special day.
My Dad if fact is always special so no extra special day is needed, but I, in the chaos of my life and love, so lose track of things like Fathers Days and birthdays. Call it what you will, I know it’s not that I don’t care, it’s just the way I am and I don’t mean to be so useless.
So come Fathers Day, I know two Dads who will be really happy.
Me and mine.
A lovely Friday surprise.
Thanks Q.
And what’s that got to do with health?
I believe part of being healthy is to give, in many different ways, shapes and forms. It could be a smile, a touch.
I am not talking of giving to get, or giving that is the unhealthy out of control no boundaries kind.
Just plain old simple giving something because you love someone, care about them, want to bless then, think they are special kinda giving.
That will change the world more powerfully than any media on earth.
Open a new door. Give someone one a surprise!
I began writing this several weeks ago……………..but am still gonna post it. Why waste feelings and good thoughts right?
Several weeks ago I began to write………..
When I first arrived back in New Zealand after several lovely weeks in America with Susan during July, the weather was sunny, and I found myself most days commenting on the gorgeousness of it all. And it really was, you got into your car at the end of the day and could have easily done a cat nap in the warm sun right then and there. Bliss. It felt good.
Now I know that rain is a part of the whole winter thing, and it’s kinda like duh! what did you expect, when it does rain……..but I get tired of the rain and then feel guilty for feeling that because that’s what winter is and the earth needs it anyways, AND it’s really been light rain. Compared to Pakistan anyway.
BUT it gets me down. I don’t think I have SDS, (seasonal disorder syndrome), but then again maybe everyone gets that in winter. I wonder what they call what you get in summer?
Several weeks later…………….(Sept 1st)
I woke this morning to spring. Actually it felt like spring last week, BUT today it really felt like spring. My mind even felt bouncy. It was Sept 1st however, the official beginning of spring I hear on the radio. The freishias are out, the daffodils, and other springy things are emerging from the sleeping earth. It is wonderful. Maybe I am emerging from a long sleep as well.
Last weekend I started spring cleaning my home. That felt really great. I had felt paralysed for many weeks under the weight of the to do list that I carry around in my head all the time. (Can anyone relate to that?) Nothing was really happening that I needed to. Part of me was being kind to myself and realising yes, this is winter and its okay to feel like this when its raining more, the suns out less, and you can’t get outside to mow the lawn, do some gardening. It’s okay. Several times I actually sat down and read a chapter of a book. I was quiet and prayed. I wrote some reflections on what I was feeling and dreaming about. IT FELT GOOD.
After my spring clean, which began in the kitchen, and stretched outside to the lawn, I have felt energised to carry on. Spring is here, inside where I live as well as outside.
That don’t change the issues I face or the person I have to live with every day (myself), but it does seem easier somehow.
I find myself smiling, and the yellow daffodils give me hope.
And the freishias, they smell as beautiful as ever.
I found one growing thru the weeds on the back lawn.
Beauty growing thru the weeds. A message from God for me.
When we think about health……..it is my conviction that doing something different, something outside the normality of your life, routines or schedules is really good for you. Susan and I recently married after having known each other for three years. I have been really keen to build new memories for us that become pages in a new book in our lives, as a consequence we have been to new places together, inside myself I have so so fel;t the health benefits to my mind and soul doing this. So as I sit here at Austin airport waiting for a flight….that’s my healthy thought. It’s good to do new things, to go new places, see new things and feel different winds on your skin.
Yes we ate lunch at the Saltlick in Driftwood, ( highly recommended, HIGHLY) and yes we had really expensive martinees on 6th Street on hump day while music played everywhere and we seemed like the oldest people out in the hot evening………..and it was all FUN……..and good for the soul, for our souls and marriage. Sometimes there are things you can not afford to not do.
Go on, step out, do something different…on your own or with someone you love.
Go to Austin……….find the Saltlick, watch the sun go down at The Oasis on Travis Lake………….go on.
Tis a healthy thang!
Here’s some photos from the story
In New Zealand it is winter. We are approaching the longest day and to be honest, while it’s dull and grey some days, it’s nothing compared to some countries in winter. New Zealand winters are tame as. Thinking in terms of emotional health, I really struggle in winter. I need the sun, and lots of blue sky. While I enjoy the rain and being inside in the warm, soup and a warm bed, winter really challenges my spirit. I am not the kind of guy who has to be doing stuff, so the still aspect of winter isn’t what effects my emotional health, its something with the light and the mood of the earth in winter.
I have moments hanging out the washing where I feel the sleepiness of the earth, that stillness in the trees as they sleep, the grass slowing down, in fact everything is slowing down, thoughts and feelings, the whole of creation is wanting to sleep.
In these times when we are prone to perhaps feeling down about life due the seasons, it is good to do some activities or seek things that will refill our emotional tanks. Eating well and maybe a vitamin D top up can really help. We also need to extend some kind of grace to ourselves in this time. It will pass, it is a natural rhythm. We can harness that and enjoy the downtime (excuse the pun) as our bodies rest for a busy summer. Tis a great time to read and have a creative inside project for those rainy and home-bound days.
I have found myself over the years so believing that every weekend should be a three day weekend. Believing because after a three day weekend, apart from thinking Tuesday is Monday and turning up for things on the wrong days for a while until the penny drops, believing because it feels so good. How did people get on in the old days when you never stopped work?
That’s one of the things I love about God. The command to rest on one day of the week was sourced in common sense and a need to replenish the batteries, and for our own benefit as human beings. It was not some law by a megalomaniac creator wanting our homage………….(maybe tho, in His wisdom He knew we would get so busy we would squeeze out time with Him).
There was a health principle in the Sabbath concept, as there is with most things people see as rules from God.
Our need for rest and replenishing the spirit, body, soul and mind with time reflection on our lives and with those we love.
God has so been blamed for bein g a bossy britches when really it has all been about our welfare and whats good for us.
That’s a health principle.
Time to stop.
Three day weekends just seem to have that blend of time for everything.
Saturday on the jobs around home you need to do.
Sunday perhaps doing stuff you need to do with people and…….
Monday just for the luxurious things you would like to do……………
There is nothing like the feeling of Friday night or waking on the Saturday morning knowing you have an extra day………..and then there is the deliciousness of Sunday night knowing that tho it’s raining and the rubbish trucks still gonna come by, you don’t have to go to work.
Now I happen to enjoy my job as a teacher and 9/10 days i am okay with trotting off to the treadmill of necessity, BUT the luxury of that extra day is wonderful………..a day to lavish on sitting and reading, or doing what you want because you have had two other days to work on list reduction.
Tis on days like that I feel that the wonderfulness of being able to write down thoughts, or paint or go take photos, listen to music or just still with coffee. Time to do things to help make sense of what’s happening in my life, and put it to paper, song, paint or knitting…….. and enjoy being a human and alive with all its complexity. I like that time.
That’s the health principle?
So my thanks to the Queen of England, and the Commonwealth and all that! Eh wot.
Happy Birthday to You.
Getting through to the end of a hard week I could think of a number of things I wanted to do as soon as the work week was over and I stepped thru my front door.
The first was to spend some time with my best friend if she was still up. I knew she had to get up and work early.
If that wasn’t able to happen plan two moved to top place.
COFFEE made in my own coffee machine.
I had slept in this morning and had wanted to have one ever since……
The other option was to head down town and take some photos, to do something for my creative soul.
So what happened?
I managed to spend some time with Susan before she hit the hay.
I made the coffee. And drank it.
I got ready to head down town to get some photos, and fired up my MP3 player to listen to some lectures I had downloaded, and that were so unlocking doors for me.
OFF I went…(after washing some dishes and enjoying the sun in my back window while I worked)
Here is something from that unwind time.
Why post something on a health blog about this.
Doing something we enjoy and that gets us out of our weekly after work space, is good for you.
Healthy lifestyle is about what we do as much as it is about what goes into us, AND it’s not just about exercise in the normal sense.
It’s about how we exercise freedom with our choices, and choices that we make based on our knowledge of our needs and what will help us me emotionally healthy.
I am glad I went out.
Now I am off to the gym!
I have been thinking and wrote this……….health in a wider concept perhaps.
Writing is such a part of my emotional health…..
Beauty Therapy in a nutshell
(a muse)
I find myself hungry for beauty.
Not the kind you might think.
Beauty has many faces & unfortunately
the deepest & rarest beauty is born through pain.
Birth is never a painless process.
Ask any woman or polished gemstone.
Beauty sneaks up on me & jumps out from behind doors.
She smiles at you in strange places.
I know this.
The shell I live in does not totally define me,
but it can limit me.
There’s more than meets the eye to the man in the mirror.
I can see who I really am,
who I really can be, who I have rarely been.
I want to live longer, taste life even more deeply,
to love & laugh at myself & the world,
to finally give up being what I am not.
Beauty is not only skin deep.
The peanuts will have to go!
© BlindPoet
June 2010
I have been thinking lately about the changes in my life, and the nature of love.
I find myself so grateful for this moment that I live in now and how all the deepest changes and the creation of some kind of beauty in my life have been facilitated by relationship, and the journey of loving.
Relationships are never totally easy, they weren’t intended to be, and if they are you are supremely blessed or perhaps you are not really relating at all. It can be like a dance where you never touch or a safe non contact sport.
I don’t mean physical touch and contact here, I mean the soul kind!
The deepest and most wonderful intimacy comes from being truly known and knowing, being understood and understanding, being accepted and accepting. Healthy relationships are works of art, and I so value mine.
Relationships of any kind are opportunities to learn a lot about ourselves.
Unfortunately sometimes we twist that ourselves opportunity into opportunities to tell others about what we have learned about them. It’s like they are moons and us the planet they orbit, we only see them in the context of relationship to ourselves.
There are reasons people develop that kind of relationship style, and they highlight the neglect of one of our most important relationships. The one we have with ourselves.
Those reasons probably all boil down to unresolved hurts and what we have done or not done with them. Often the truth is that we have deeply buried our hurts like dumping toxic waste down a deep mineshaft to be out of harms way. We develop malignant growths around them or we camouflage them with behaviours, decoys, distractions, masks, attitudes and addictions. We protect, insulate and anesthetize ourselves from the toxic messages arising from our hurts. These messages continually loop inside our heads and they tell us that in some way we are deficient, unlovable , useless, dumb, talentless or unworthy. And we believe it! All untreated sickness eventually takes its toll on our health.
Instead of being open we become closed and understandably self protective. We point the finger at others, playing the blame game. Looking at ourselves in relationship is just too painful when we have buried or bandaged unhealed wounds. Why would we look at ourselves critically and risk exposure to the messages inside our heads, telling us that we are no good, dumb, unworthy, stupid and will never change.
In pointing the finger at others, we could be repeating what we grew up with, copying our role models, or the environment that shaped us the most. It may mean we have not come to a critical point of reflection and change. Defining moments have come and gone in our lives and we remain unchanged. We do not experience re invention, new growth or re birth. Life goes on down the same old same old path.
Blaming others is an effort to escape honest and risky critical self examination. When we blame others in aggressive, subtle or passive ways our love is far from healthy. Our behaviours, attitudes and actions don’t lead to the happiness and intimacy with friends and loved ones that we long for. We are alone with ourselves, and we don’t even like ourselves. This is the worst loneliness there is.
Why are we not able to make changes?
One reason is that change takes work, and its scary work.
Another is that we need some kind of light to illuminate areas that must change , but often our eyes are closed, or we are not looking at all or in the right places.
Change involves surgery, a scalpel to cut out what is toxic or some yuk tasting medicine to treat it and put it into remission.
Change can hurt, so most of us avoid the need to grow unless we reach that point of wanting to despite the pain .
That point may be arrived at through a faith calling us on to selflessness or better loving. It may be someone lovingly ( or out of frustration and anger ) opening our eyes to things that need attention. Or as is often the case, change is facilitated by some very painful personal experience that nearly destroys us.
My defining moment was the painful kind, involving the shattering of a family and a marriage of 23 years.
When the time comes, some people grow up, some stay the same. I wanted to grow up. That was not one BIG decision, it continues to be a series of little decisions, lots of them, some easy, some hard and often arriving out of left field when you least expect it.
Suddenly you realise, ‘Houston we have a problem’.
No not a problem, an opportunity to grow!
I discovered this website that has helped me to keep growing up, helped me to make more sense of myself and understand some of the ‘why do I always……..’ questions that have followed me for 53 years.
It’s all about how we love and may help you understand yourself and your closest relationships and those of your everyday world more.
Check it out, it is very very cool.
http://www.howwelove.com/
Recently, I married my best friend. I am so excited to be in a relationship where there is courage, honesty and commitment to grow and change where we need to, AND have heaps of fun loving and loving healthily along the way.
I am so blessed by Susan.:-)
|
QforHealth Sites
|
